Naughty bits
Tonight, I got the unrivaled distinction of manhandling old men's naughty bits.
My first patient of the night was Mr. Colostomy. He was a little bit more distant and disoriented than normal, but it was nothing drastic. Usually, when I shower someone, I have them first sit on the shower chair, while I wash their hair and soap them up. I then have them stand up and hand them the washcloth so they can wash their naughty bits. After rinsing them off, they sit back down, I rinse them again and thats it. Mr. Colostomy has been a bit unsteady on his feet lately, and as a result likes to hold on to the grab bar in the shower with both hands, thus meaning that he doesn't want to wash his naughty bits, and therefore I get to do it. Woo hoo.
Later in the night, I went to visit Ruby, and she laid out a massive poo when I put her on the toilet. I'm just glad it was the toilet and not her diaper. She also needs both hands for balance, and thus I manhandle her naughty bits as well.
I haven't written anything about Rob, but here goes. This man has various medical issues, though I'm not sure of all the specifics, he tends to keep to himself. He is married, and his wife is just a little bit odd. Not nearly as odd as Mrs. Sponge Bath, but she's pretty crazy. She tends to get jealous when Rob chats with any of the residents or Us Girls. For gods sake, lady, the guy is in his seventies. He sure as hell isn't going to be cheating on you. Anyway, he recently had an IV line installed in his arm, due to his need to recieve antibiotics every day, for a while. He cannot get the line wet, and therefore cannot take a regular shower for a while. Because of this, he's developed a yeast infection in his groin area, speicifcally foldy-over bit where his leg creases into his hip, and is covered by his beer belly. In that fold, the yeast infection lives. It's also spread to include some cracked skin on his penis.
He's got cracked skin, cottage-cheese like yeast, odor, and pain. Tonight, I had to scrub the affection area very clean, make sure that it was very dry, then apply medicated baby powder. The scrubbing was painful for him, and I do feel bad about this, but it was necessary. So, I had to manhandle his manly yeast infected penis and testes. It was wonderful.
Last paitent of the evening was Grant. Grant has mild alzheimers, is very hard of hearing, and poos himself. He also prefers a bath to a shower, althought I'm going to try to get him in a proper shower soon. He had poo in his bottom, between his cheeks, and hanging off his testicles in little dingleberries. His hands shake and he has a hard time cleaning himself off, so I got to scrub his poopy naughty bits.
I fuckin hate mondays.
PS: Oh yeah. Happy Valentines day to me.
My first patient of the night was Mr. Colostomy. He was a little bit more distant and disoriented than normal, but it was nothing drastic. Usually, when I shower someone, I have them first sit on the shower chair, while I wash their hair and soap them up. I then have them stand up and hand them the washcloth so they can wash their naughty bits. After rinsing them off, they sit back down, I rinse them again and thats it. Mr. Colostomy has been a bit unsteady on his feet lately, and as a result likes to hold on to the grab bar in the shower with both hands, thus meaning that he doesn't want to wash his naughty bits, and therefore I get to do it. Woo hoo.
Later in the night, I went to visit Ruby, and she laid out a massive poo when I put her on the toilet. I'm just glad it was the toilet and not her diaper. She also needs both hands for balance, and thus I manhandle her naughty bits as well.
I haven't written anything about Rob, but here goes. This man has various medical issues, though I'm not sure of all the specifics, he tends to keep to himself. He is married, and his wife is just a little bit odd. Not nearly as odd as Mrs. Sponge Bath, but she's pretty crazy. She tends to get jealous when Rob chats with any of the residents or Us Girls. For gods sake, lady, the guy is in his seventies. He sure as hell isn't going to be cheating on you. Anyway, he recently had an IV line installed in his arm, due to his need to recieve antibiotics every day, for a while. He cannot get the line wet, and therefore cannot take a regular shower for a while. Because of this, he's developed a yeast infection in his groin area, speicifcally foldy-over bit where his leg creases into his hip, and is covered by his beer belly. In that fold, the yeast infection lives. It's also spread to include some cracked skin on his penis.
He's got cracked skin, cottage-cheese like yeast, odor, and pain. Tonight, I had to scrub the affection area very clean, make sure that it was very dry, then apply medicated baby powder. The scrubbing was painful for him, and I do feel bad about this, but it was necessary. So, I had to manhandle his manly yeast infected penis and testes. It was wonderful.
Last paitent of the evening was Grant. Grant has mild alzheimers, is very hard of hearing, and poos himself. He also prefers a bath to a shower, althought I'm going to try to get him in a proper shower soon. He had poo in his bottom, between his cheeks, and hanging off his testicles in little dingleberries. His hands shake and he has a hard time cleaning himself off, so I got to scrub his poopy naughty bits.
I fuckin hate mondays.
PS: Oh yeah. Happy Valentines day to me.
posted by Night Shift Nurse at 12:30 AM
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