Fun with Poo

Today was a crappy day. Literally.

Tonight I bathed Mr. Colostomy, James. I got to empty his colostomy bag, and scrub off the dried poo around the colostomy area. Lovely. My idea of fun. And James likes his bath early, so I had to do this right after dinner.

Later, was Ruby. Ruby is wheelchair bound, can barely stand or move, requires oxygen, and is incontinent both bowel and bladder, and often refuses to take her bath. Yes, she is quite smelly. And since she must hang on to the grab bar in the shower in order to stand, she doesnt have use of her hands, and I have to scrub her bum and naughty bits. Today, when I removed her diaper (excuse me, her incontinence assistance sanitary napkin), the diaper was fully soaked with urine. Thus, right after dealing with Mr. Colostomy, I find myself scrubbing the urine-soaked genitalia of Ruby. Lovely. Fun!

Last bath of the night was Fred. I describe my first encounter with him in another post a few days ago. Fred requires complete assistance bathing, and he was on my list tonight. I found a nice brown surprise in his diaper. A nice, smelly, semi-solid, soft, smeary, stinky surprise. Even though I was as careful as possibile, It got all over his backside, his testicles and penis, thighs, legs, feet, and the toilet. He had some wet wipes nearby, thank god, and I had to use a dozen of them to get the majority of it cleaned off. The rest...well...I had to scrub in the shower. Lovely! Fun! Hooray for poo!

I fuckin' hate Mondays.

Mr. and Mrs. Sponge Bath

I had a decent day today. Busy, but decent. All the old folks want their showers on friday, so they can smell nice for church on saturday and sunday. I had the dubious pleasure of bathing Mr. Sponge Bath.


Mr. Sponge Bath lives in the apartment with his wife, Mrs. Sponge Bath. This is a lady who is certifyably crazy, and looks the part. She plucks her eyebrows and draws them on, dyes her hair jet black despite being in her 90's, and wears a mu-mu and fuzzy slippers.


Thats one thing I find to be really odd. I understand ladies (and men) who are younger, going grey, and dye their hair. But when your head is one big puff ball of white, why on earth cant you just accept it and wear your hair gracefully? Why does society urge our old ladies to get that hideous tight poodle perm? Why do old ladies wear blue eyeshadow, flamingo pink blush, and red lipstick? For gods sake, these people are in a nursing home, they have no one to impress.


Ok. End mini rant. Back to the story. I am told that Mrs. Sponge Bath habitually refuses to take baths, so I dont have any bathing stories for her. Mr. Sponge Bath has a wound on his leg, and is paranoid about getting it wet, which is why he takes sponge baths. Predictably, they both smell. Mr. Sponge Bath is semi mobile, meaning he cannot walk, uses a wheelchair, but he can stand on his own, and has use of his arms. I sponged his back, and he did his front and genitals.


The worst part of the entire ordeal was the grunting. Every time he moved his lower legs, stood up, sat down, or otherwise moved, it was accompanied by a grunt of pain. The guy sounded like an animal. We were having a nice conversation about the good old days, and his job, and it was interuppted by constant grunting. I couldn't help thinking to myself "My god...if this is what he sounded like having sex, no wonder she's crazy."

My first day alone

My very first day on the floor without my supervisor. Training is over. Woo hoo. Not a whole lot happened today, nothing terribly interesting. I had several baths to do, and I did them. Had a very nice conversation with one of our residents, talking about school, his daughters, and such.


One of our residents had a very nasty skin irritation between her buttocks. I was the first person to see it, and I had to fill out a report on it, and treat it with some ointment. Poor girl also had a nasty rash. It all looked pretty itchy, tender, and painful. As I filled out the report, and gave it to my supervisor, she was impressed by my vocabulary and articulation. YAY! I'm getting noticed!


No funny stories today though. Maybe next time.