I got wet

Hazards of being a bath aide. I got doused tonight. Very badly.



Tonight started out well. I was feeling pretty in my new purple scrubbies. I even had cute little purple ribbons on the end of my braids. I'm not a girly girl by any means, but tonight, I felt the urge to be pretty. So I was feeling in good spirits when I came into work. I got my dinner, and ate, then went off for my first bath of the night.


Fred has a slew of medical issues. He had a stroke a while back, and therefore has impaired physical and mental abilities. He can barely talk, barely see, and barely stand. He is nearly helpless. He is incontinent - both bowel and bladder - and he has trembling hands. He can follow simple directions such as "Fred, stand up", and "Fred, take out your teeth", but even those directions must be repeated two or three times before he will comply.


Fred is also a dirty old bastard. He will start to compulsively masturbate if you let him wash his own genitals. He will try to grab the female staff's breasts or butt, or ask for kisses.


Tonight, Fred doused me with the showerhead. I handed him the showerhead (we have the removable kind) while I leaned down to get his shampoo. I had just started to soap up his head when he turned the showerhead and sprayed me on the leg. I was soaked and dripping. I dont think he did it on purpose; his mental and physical function is too reduced for him to do so. I was lucky that my supervisor was there - tonight was my last night of training - and I asked her to finish up with Fred, while I took up a towel and dried up most of the mess. Unfortunatly, I also managed to stain the towel with my brand new purple scrubs. Damn the luck.


But, on a happier note, on my way out of the Nursing Home complex, I saw three deer. They were eating the grass from the lawn. It's really rather odd to see deer in the city, but the Nursing Home is located somewhat on the edge of town. It was a very beautiful sight.

I hate Mondays.

It's Monday. Woo-fuckin'-hoo. Seems like all sorts of little things went wrong today - I forgot my keys, my radio didn't want to work, the kitchen lost my order at dinner, I got lost in the building a few times. Just overall, not my day.


Now, I'm new. But tonight I gave my very first bath. My cherry has been popped. I'll get to that in a moment. However, first, I have some sad news to report.


I've been working at the Nursing Home for less then a week, and already I've seen one paitent die. It's really very sad. Holly (note: for privacy, all paitents names are changed) was your sterotypical cranky, complaining, crotchety old lady, but she had a nice heart and a full candy dish. Everyone loved her. She was bedridden, and she had MS. She was more or less paralyzed from the breast-bone area down, and had a slew of medical problems. She had to have nearly everything done for her - eating, dressing, taking her meds, and going to the bathroom. I only met her twice, but I am told she'd been at the Nursing Home for nearly five years, and everyone loved her. She had a stroke in the middle of the night last night, and the nurse who found her was her friend. Holly will be missed.


Now then, back to the baths. Up until now, I've been observing and taking notes on everyone's routine. Every resident we have has different needs, different physical and/or mental limitations, requires different amounts of assistance at their baths. Some of them only need to be reminded "It's bathtime", some of them need to be lifted from their chairs and completely bathed, we even have a couple that refuse to bathe at all and only get sponge baths.


WARNING the following discusses medical procedures and is not for the faint of stomach. You've been warned.


The first paitient of the night is Mr. Colostomy, James. James is mostly able to undress himself, tend to his colostomy bag, and bathe himself, but his hands tremble, and he requires some assistance. Now, for those of you who dont know, a colostomy is a medical procure in which part of the intestine is removed (usually due to cancer, or ulcer), and the intestine is routed through the abdominal wall, bypassing the anus, and feces are collected in a bag that hangs outside the abdomen. Because the last part of the intestine is concerned with absorbing water, the feces in the bag are often quite loose and even diarrhea-like. The bag smells. It doesn't quite smell like normal feces...but...sharper. Thats the only way I can describe it. Often, bits of dried feces collect around the incision. Now, since the anus is not involved with defecation, the paitent has no control over when a poo will worm its way out of the intestine.


James is a very nice man, despite his physical limitations. He was my very first bath and I shall always look on him with fondness in my eye...much like I remember the man who took my virginity.


He smelled too, except he didn't have a colostomy bag.

The First Post

Hello, greetings, salutations and welcome to my brand spanking-new nifty blog. I suppose it's customary for me to take this oppurtunity to tell you about myself, and the purpose of this blog.


My name is Nicole, I'm 23, and I live and work in a medium-sized town in Colorado. I attend college (sometimes - I'm a notorious slacker), and I just started a job at a nursing home. They call it an "assisted living center", but, it's really a nursing home, for old, infirm people. We have something like 60 residents there, and of course, a handful of staff members. My job titled is Bath Aide. This means, that yes, I give baths to old people. Certainly not the most desireable job in the world. But hey, I'm a nursing student - I have to get my foot in the door somewhere, somehow. What better way to prove to employers that I can handle the dirty jobs (pun intended), than getting down in the trenches, and doing the unpleasant and undesirable? And, honestly, so far the job has been quite entertaining, and I'm liking it. Some of the residents are simply hilarious. Others are frustrating and crazy.


I've been on the job for three days now. Already, I have some interesting stories to share about the job. I would like to warn everyone that occasionally my posts will deal with medical issues such as incontinence, mental disability, bodily functions, medical procedures, etc. If anyone has a faint stomach, you might not want to read the blog. Dont bitch at me - you've been warned.


Now, with that said, I want to explain to everyone a couple of things. With the exception of my name, all names of my coworkers and residents have been changed, for privacy. Secondly, it is not my intent to slander, demean, or otherwise insult anyone, particularly my residents. I have the utmost respect for them. After all, each and every one of them are simply nice old people, who've led full, rewarding lives, and now deserve and recieve my respect during their declining years. HOWEVER, this job is a stressful, dirty, and unpleasant one. I need some sort of outlet to express myself, or else I will go crazy. I choose to express myself with humor rather than anger. This is one of those "If I dont laugh, I'll cry" sort of situations. I believe there are two ways one can approach life - either take it as it comes and laugh at yourself, or fight tooth and nail, and have a heart attack everytime something changes or doesnt go your way. I choose to laugh. I choose to vent my frustrations here. Already, my mother is getting tired of hearing my stories. What better place to vent then on the internet?


Well then, the first post is finished. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to ask me. I will respond in as timely a fashion as possible.